Thursday, August 14, 2008

"If you're really God, why aren't you acting like it?"

Have you ever wanted to question God like that, especially when you are in the middle of a painful circumstance and it seems like He just isn't hearing your cries for relief? I know I have.
Welcome back to week three of Linda's and my online bible study, "Believing God."

Actually, it is Beth Moore's bible study and we are just wogging/slogging/crogging through it together with you.

A week studying healing, miracles and wonders, huh?

This is certainly something that my Midwestern Catholic school upbringing or traditional nondenominational beliefs have not in any way prepared me for.

What did you think of this week's lessons on healing, miracles and God answering prayers? What about Beth's stories? I can't wait to hear what you all thought about and learned from this week's study.

I loved reading the stories and being amazed and flabbergasted by how God will move. I read a couple out loud to Rod.

I know I was especially moved by the scriptures where it spoke about people asking for their loved ones to be healed. He raised the widow's son from the D.E.A.D. Can you possibly even imagine that?

I have prayed for healing for people many different times. But I without doubt my most heart felt, sobbing on the carpet, desperate prayers have been for my children.

I still don't know how to measure the pain a parent feels when their child walks willingly away from Christ and out into the world. They are walking toward a rushing river of danger and you know it. They are thinking they will be fine, everything will be fine, and you know it won't. They will be hurt and they will be scarred. They may drown.

I know this feeling well. Intimately. It tears your heart into shreds and your words fall on deaf ears.

But my prayers never did.

During some very dark days, when I didn't move from a fetal position on the floor I just begged God to bring my daughter back. I remember asking for forgiveness from Him before I began praying and asking Him why,oh why, did He let her leave? Blaming Him. Knowing He could have stopped her.
Every molecule in my being wept. Pleaded. Cried out to Heaven. Save her. Don't let her get hurt. Be with her tonight when she should be here, but isn't.

Then, months later, when her body was here, but her spirit wasn't.

Oh Lord, this path is too hard for me to walk. Don't make us walk this way. Remember how we adore her, Lord?You know she is our very heart.
Bring her home, bring her home, bring her home.

A few years have passed. Any anger or disappointment is long gone. Good riddance. I can't afford those luxuries. I don't want them anyway. The Lord has completely replaced them with Love and Hope. Good deal, huh?

But our prayers have remained the same.
Protect.
Heal.
Restore.
Renew.
Remove scales from her precious eyes so she can see.
Let her hear the truth and understand.
Rescue her like you rescued me.
Save her. Save her.

In the last few months God has given me a supernatural peace concerning my kids. It is as though He has allowed me to glimpse them today as He sees them for eternity. What a gift! It is as though he has let me know he has heard my cries and desperation and let me know that he has already answered. It is done.

So I have relaxed. I have faith, a confident belief, that He heard me and is answering. Healing and restoring.

Two days ago I got a phone call from my daughter. We chatted and then she said, "Mom, I wanted to tell you that me and some friends have started a bible study the other night and we're starting to go to a good church on Sundays. It's cool and I'm really excited."
She paused then said, "You know, I just keep feeling the Lord calling to me, over and over. I don't want to keep ignoring Him."


I have no words here. Just know that I am doing the ugly cry as I praise God and give all thanks to my Redeemer.


Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s! psalm 103:1-5

15 comments:

Angela said...

Diane,
I am so excited that your daughter is turning back to God, although your heart must have looked like my mom's did for a long time, and that makes me a little sad. I also started a Bible study, this past Tuesday, and we have a couple girls who are ready to get right with God. It is so cool to watch and see how he will change their lives. Praise God that he doesn't give up as easily as we are tempted to. I am so glad that God has showed his power and love so personally in your life, and I am happy that I get to be happy with you! Yay God!

Anonymous said...

I absolutely loved this week's lesson (and your commentary, btw!). It encouraged me and answered so many questions. I believed that God can do what He says He can do, but there was also a lot of confusion for me, especially when it seemed like he was holding back when I knew He could do something if He chose to. This Bible Study and particularly this week has helped me a lot in this area. I wrote a post on my blog about this lesson. Here it is: http://carolmehl.wordpress.com/2008/08/14/a-lost-dress-an-interesting-book-and-believing-god/

Blessings, Carol (i throw like a girl)

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

Oh Diane,

I can hardly type for all the tears. My kids are still fairly small, so I can feel that fear wanting to creep up that what if they might do this, too. O Lord, let it not be!

What a beautiful post. You have such an open heart and I love that about you.

Thank you for sharing such an intimate and tender story. I am praising God with you in her victory!

I've also posted my own miracle in honor of the Believing God study. All are welcome to come read of His tender mercies!

Jenn @ Casa de Castro said...

What a fabulous post! It struck a chord with me. I was in your daughter's shoes for years, and my mother was in yours. It was a painful time for all, but God DOES hear the prayers of the righteous, and He NEVER stops pursuing His children. What hope there is in that!

Thanks for sharing from your heart and encouraging all of us. My prayers are with you, dear one... and with your daughter.

Mozi Esme said...

I haven't been in this situation, but I have been in one where I so badly wanted to make things right - to make a person do what was right. And it is so hard to let go and give it all to God - even depressing because you know God gives freedom of choice even if you don't.

Prayers for your daughter . . .

E said...

I'm so glad y'all are doing this. I wish I could ahve joined y'all. Ahh well.

Sonya Lee Thompson said...

This post has blessed my soul! I am in tears over here at God's mercy and grace. I am so glad your daughter's heart is with God now!

This was a tough week for me. I thought I believed that God could do what He says He can, but...

I posted about it:
http://truth4thejourney.blogspot.com/2008/08/believing-god-week-3.html

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Oh, God is good. I loved when Beth said, if I'm going to err, I'm going to err on the side of believing in miracles. They do happen; we are jaded. I praise God with you that your daughter is coming into her own faith with Christ. She is taking on the responsibility. I'm just so glad her heart remained pliable and that she had a mom who continually (emphasis on active participle) prays.

Mindy said...

It is such a hard road we walk sometimes. Trusting God isn't always easy, especially when what we are asking Him to do is such a good thing and it doesn't seem like He is acting quickly enough. But I know from experience the peace He gives when we do trust is truly "the peace that passes understanding." We struggled for years through infertility. I've done my fair share of crying, praying, begging, crying, being angry, being bitter, crying... But when we just finally really let go and trusted God not only to give us a child, but also to soothe our hurting hearts, He was faithful and gave us that peace. 9 years later, with a beautiful daughter in our family, we can truly say His timing was perfect and He had His best in store for us. And we learned lessons through that time, that we may not have learned any other way.

Amy Plumb said...

Wow! Your post always, always move me.
Our children know what's right and wrong and will always return.

What a wonderful call from your daughter.
Amy

Honeydo Doer said...

A true blessing to see your daughter returning to God. You planted the word of God in good soil and laid a strong foundation that will endure the test of time. Praise the Lord!

Chel said...

Diane,

I am breathless! I too walked that road ignoring His tender voice and telling HIM all the while, I knew He was there and I knew He loved me, but......I wish I had an eraser! I am thankful that not only did God answer your prayers and continue to seek out your dtr but that she listened! Praise the Lord she listened! I know that call from Him and it is loving and tender but it holds a certain level of urgency that if you are really listening...you can hear it and feel it like the breath on your neck when someone you know has come from behind to get your attention. Softly and quietly they will whisper behind your head and you can feel their breath on your neck, this is how it feels when the Lord continues with you as you trample all over his grace.
Heart wrenching! But the welcome is heart healing!
Chel

Diane said...

What a beautiful post. It should be an inspiration to all that God is in control and answers prayers. I've hurt and been hurt, all the while not listening to God. He is always there, always listening. You write with such a warm heart. I'm happy your daughter has welcomed God into her life. She will now be the one to work for Him, getting others to come with her. How beautiful...

Hugs,
Diane in SC

Gayle @ thewestiecrew said...

This is absolutely beautiful and so full of hope.

Praise You Father, for your immeasurable GRACE!

Nancy said...

You brought tears to my eyes! That is proof that God does answer our prayers! I know you must be rejoicing!!!

I've been hurt, gone through a divorce after 34 1/2 years and never thought I would see this day 11 1/2 years ago. I even tried suicide in my garage. Once I turned my life over to God, things began to change for me.

I came home from work late one night and found a note in my mailbox lying on top of the mail. It was from my son, who had been in another city nearby on business, but had gone out of his way to stop by the city where I lived, to leave his note of encouragement for me, and knowing that I was working late that night. Anyhow, his note read: "Love ya, Mom! Just remember, with God's help, all things are possible! Tim" This note is on my refrigerator to this day where I see it every day!!! I will never doubt God ever again!

I am so happy that your daughter has welcomed God back into her life! God is powerful!!!

This was a beautiful post!!!

(((((( HUGS ))))))