Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A hypothetical, slightly inappropriate situation

***You were warned once. I'm not gonna do it again. Proceed at your own risk.***



I was pondering things this morning as I jogged. About how I didn't feel like running. At all. About how excited I am that the new Glory Revealed CD is going to drop any minute now. About how happy I am that no goats are with me. About how that last insect I inhaled almost choked me to death.

Also about this following, completely hypothetical situation.



Picture this.



Say a wife is making dinner and folding laundry at the same time. Multi-tasking like a hurricane. She is on a mission to get things done. It is a Monday and things will get accomplished.



Suddenly, she realizes she has to go to the bathroom, but because she was like a woman on fire getting chores done, she may have waited a moment or two longer than she should have.

She rushes into the bathroom.



IF her husband had left the seat in the DOWN position, like he usually does, everything would be hunky-dory. Left with the seat in the upright position the humble toilet becomes a veritable Porcelain Death Trap for women, with it's gaping jaws and rushing waters.



So, for the sake of our story, let's just say that the husband left the seat up. Then the poor, unsuspecting wife would probably almost fall into the toilet and wheel her arms around like a big, clumsy ostrich trying to take flight. She may or may not have screamed.

Loudly.

She probably even pulled every muscle in her back, shoulder and neck.



But her injury would obviously be more than physical. It would be mental, too, because hell0-ooo.

She almost drowned in a toilet.



She would probably be justifiably miffed. I assume that she would not have the best attitude as she slapped said husband's Honey Mustard Roast Pork, steamed green beans and Garlic Parmesan red potatoes on a plate at dinner time.



You can't blame this pretend woman for getting upset. She most likely wouldn't even feel like running the next day.

Because of the pain, you know.

But she is a determined sort, (anger is an excellent motivator) and would probably go on her run anyway .

She would probably try to distract herself from the discomfort in her back by thinking about the new Glory Revealed CD that is going to drop any minute....

8 comments:

E said...

Gosh, you need to post more often. You're a hoot!

Robin Lambright said...

I'm glad it was just a hypothetical situation of some other poor woman...

Praying for hypothetical release from hypothetical back pain and that said hypothetical hubs will leave the toilet seat down!

Sadly (hypothetically speaking I mean) it has happen to me on more than one occasion!

Blessings
Robin

Dena said...

I feel for your poor imaginary woman. I've had that happen at 2am. Then I'm not only miffed, but wide awake. Mama ain't a purdy sort when she can't get back to sleep.

His Girl said...

good thing it's just a story, 'else I'd feel bad about laughing out loud right now at your predicament ;)

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

The ostrich dance. Done it many a time.

Robynn's Ravings said...

In this hypothetical situation, if the woman wrote a blog, she might have to get even with the husband by writing a post about Irritating Old Goats and leave her husband in the pictures but photoshop out the other four-legged types. But what kind of person would even THINK of a thing like that? No one I hypothetically know!

Beverlydru said...

I'm in agreement with Robin's prayer. And with Erin's comment that you're a hoot. There's your new blog name. Hoot on the Hood. LOL

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

Um.... HELLO!!! WHY didn't you spiritualize THIS!?