Wednesday, April 1, 2009


I'm going to be losing readers today. I apologize for the following post. After this I should have .5 reader. That should be interesting.

Some things are blog worthy. Like Cap'n Crunch. American Idol. My new bff the Panosonic SD-YD250 Bread Machine. On a scale of 1- thrilled, it makes me sing happy songs of joy. It produces carbs of deliciousness which I slather in butter.

Because butter is still my hobby.

Some things happen which do not make me sing for joy and just are not blog worthy.

Like, say January-February 2009.

I blogged once in a while but not much and my heart wasn't in it. There have been some things weighing on me and it wasn't appropriate to share here (gasp!)

(But thank you Cindy for listening to me blather all the way from Indiana. I owe you a casserole. Or something chocolate. Maybe I'll just be nice to you for a while. We'll see how it plays out.)

But God is working all things out according to His good purpose and that leaves me free to blog about the dogs, ice cream, weight loss(or gain. Don't be a hater.) and little maggotty things.

That's right. Little . Maggotty. Things.

See how I love you and have given you every opportunity to flee or at least put down your pizza?

I am a giver.

So, our story begins a couple months ago. The time line is blurry because, frankly I think I'm suffering from PTSD associated with said bugs.

I had noticed a few tiny little moths fluttering around the kitchen when I would open the cereal cupboard, but I paid them no mind. (THAT,right there, could be my main problem.)

A couple days later there were a few more, and though they were tiny little things, they were not cute and they were becoming annoying.

(Right now you could leave. You could click here and go read how BigMama got to have dinner with Beth Moore! Yes , I'm serious!)

So I began bringing things out of the cupboard and setting them on the island. Because although it sounds like I must live in a barn or a pigpen somewhere, I do have an island in my kitchen. I figured the moths were a good indication that I should probably do some kitchen cupboard cleaning with the Lysol and some hot water.

Well, this next part gets a little hairy. I reached all the way in the back of the cupboard, where I never reach, where things that we don't eat just get shoved carefully stored, and I found this giant container of peanuts from Costco. Well, they used to be peanuts.
Innocent, innocent peanuts.

(CLICK HERE and go read about Linda's 5x30 movement! Seriously, she is always entertaining and witty and charming and hardly ever gross.

Please, save yourselves. I'll be fine. I've learned to deal. But you've still got a life to live.)

If you are still here, make an appointment to see your psychotherapist in the morning.

Or your exterminator.

Or just pick up your monitor and throw it on the floor. All the bad pictures will go away. Except for these next close up ones. They will be burned onto your retinas so that you will see them every time you close your eyes.

Welcome to my world:

See the little moths up near the top? So that is where they were coming from. NOW I feel better. I just want to pull my eyeballs out and kill myself. And now that I've shared all this nobody is ever going to come over again unless they are wearing a moth-proof HAZMAT suit.

Never mind. Nobody is going to come over. I wouldn't come over if I didn't live here. I'll understand when you studiously avoid my eyes at church or the store and hurry on by. Pretty soon, as people are driving by our house, they'll say, "Oh, that's where Maggot Girl lives, isn't it?" Poor, lonely Maggot Girl.

Anyway, I'm sure I don't need to tell you but, every item, food related or not was disposed of immediately and I torched the entire house bleached down everything.

Honestly, the whole thought to this leaves me feeling really itchy and twitchy like I want to tear off all my clothes and keep scrubbing at myself so the maggots will just go away. But the nekked look has not been a good one for me since July 1964.

I'm not even sure what brought all this to mind today. Maybe it was the threat of the Scary Internet Worm on the news.

Or that I saw a couple moths flitting about the kitchen this morning.

Oh, Cindy...let me know where to send your casserole. :-)

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