Wednesday, April 8, 2009

My running partner

I was tense with pent up anger today when I headed out back to begin my run. I was also about an hour early because I just couldn't wait any longer to start, even though it was still pretty dark and more misty than dry outside. Not like the last two brilliant days.

But my running partner was there ready to go, as always.

I popped my ear buds in and turned on my ipod and called the dogs to start the loop, ignoring my partner. Like I said, I was mad.

And when it comes down to it, I blame him.

It has been one unbloggable, undealable, unhandable problem after another this week. Not one. Not two. Not even three. To make matters worse, now Rod and I are even fighting about it. In fact, I went to bed last night angry and watched American Idol by myself.(Now you KNOW it's bad.)

What am I supposed to do now?

Matt Redman is singing "oh no you never let go, through the calm through the calm and through the storm, Lord you never let go of me..." My running partner moves silently alongside me as the tears finally find their way out of my heart and I begin asking why.

My feet are pounding the trail and my ipod is drowning out the sound of my crying.

My running partner matched me step for step as I pounded angrily down the trail.

I shouted as I cried. Why would you let all this happen?

What am I going to do? I don't even know what to do. I don't know how to be. Why aren't you helping me?

And then, broken.

Don't you love me any more?

So much of it comes down to that for me. Still a little girl with big old abandonment issues.

My running partner has big shoulders and knows me inside and out. Sometimes I shout at him and cry. He knows that and loves me anyway. We have that kind of relationship. It's a give take and take kind of thing we have going on. It works for us.

As we run, jumping over muddy puddles, my mind and heart begin to quiet and I am able to sing along with Nicole Nordeman "When the sun starts to rise and I open my eyes You are good, so good. With every breath I take in,I'll tell you I'm grateful again... You are good."

Before I know it, it is time to head for home. I have wrestled through my problems with my patient running partner and I am quietly ready to begin sorting out my stuff. I know I'll begin by reading some letters he wrote a while back encouraging me and others about just the kind of circumstances I'm in right now. He's a great guy. Seriously.

My running partner and I call the dogs before turning the last bend on the loop and heading home on the trail through the woods He made.

Hear me as I pray, O Lord. Be merciful and answer me! My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” Do not turn your back on me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me, O God of my salvation! Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. Psalm 27:7-10

Thanks to Linda at 2nd Cup of Coffee for getting me going with running (and wogging) again for the last two weeks. I really needed the encouragement. Head over to her blog to read all the other 30x5 bloggers that have gotten a much needed boost from her!

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