Monday, April 19, 2010

Doctor, doctor, give me the news...

Actually, the doctor can't give you the news because we won't go. Well, not as often as we should, perhaps.

Sometimes, we will. Like when it is a "carpentry problem," as Dr. Grise puts it. Like when someone need spinal surgery because walking, standing, sitting or laying down are no longer options you want to experience, or perhaps a blood vessel in your neck dissects unexpectedly and bleeds into your brain.

THEN we go see the doctor.

But mostly we try to self-diagnose. It mostly works really well for us, unlike the time I diagnosed Rod with gas pains.
Yes, we did end up in the emergency room, and he did up having his gangrenous gall bladder removed, but the Tums I gave him initially worked for a short time. A minute or two, anyway.
And Rod may or may not remember it like that, so please don't bring it up to him. Also, he was on strong pain meds, so his memory of the events may not be as accurate as mine.


We also sometime self-diagnose the dogs. Because if we won't go to the doctor, why should they have to? Don't you all be hating on us now. We love our animals and treat them as well as we treat ourselves. Pretty much.

Which brings us to this...

Yes, he does look like he has been in a horrible skiing (snowboarding?) accident and two 5 year olds have been playing doctor with him.
I know he looks twice as miserable as usual, which is really saying something.

But, for the record, there is nothing wrong with his foot. We professionally bandaged it up like that so he can't scratch his neck. His neck is wrapped up like that because he got a small wound,possibly a tick bite, which became infected when he scratched it. Sad, I know. But not nearly so sad as he is making it out to be.

I know how impressed you are right now. Yes,that is pillow stuffing, Rod's sock and tape. Hello, McGyver.

But, shockingly, it didn't last. Here is what I found in the bathroom after I'd been working and couldn't keep a sharp eye on him.

Kinda reminds me of Lazarus coming out of the tomb. ButLazarus needed help getting out of his "grave clothes." Chopper did it all my himself.
Which brings us to this.

Yes, he is as gloomy as he looks.
Care packages may be sent to Chopper, c/o Diane.
He likes cheese.
Thank you.

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