Steady as she goes

*** Keep scrolling down for more information on Luca and Lucy's puppies***

Today I set up Lucy's water bed in our room. Just so you know, it is not an actual water bed, but a kid's plastic wading pool borrowed from some friends. No, Lucy's puppies are not going to experience the zen-like qualities of a full service water birth and day spa.
 But I will play some calming music and use my inside voice.
Here is her bed. It is more comfortable than it looks. I know this for a fact. I checked it out.

After I set it up and made sure I have plenty or towels and other things needed for this blessed occasion at the ready, I made Lucy get it in to try it on for size. I had to bribe her with a biscuit, but she climbed on over the wall and settled in.
Then her breathing became panting, and her panting was interspersed with soft whines. As she lay there, I noticed she was trembling from nose to tail. And panting. Hard.
I had seen this before and was pretty sure I was seeing  the first stage of labor. Which, according to my records and math skills, should not be until next Wednesday.
 At the earliest.
I made a call to her vet, looked for my purse, looked for my keys (WHERE IS MY PURSE!! I CAN'T FIND MY KEYS!!) then heaved and hefted my ginormously pregnant and heavily panting Lucy into the Trailblazer.
Long story short, she may be heading into premature labor. This is not good, as puppies cannot survive this early. I need to keep an eye on her and keep her calm and quiet. I have a feeling I'm going to find out where my sleep deprivation wall is.

The good signs are that she is still hungry and thirsty, her temperature has not dropped, the puppies are still alive and growing.

She is having some bites of rib eye steak as we speak and resting comfortably. I think she was too tired to get on the couch, so I took her picture while she was on the floor. How odd for her. ;-)
Anyway, we'll have our hands full for the next week as we try to keep her calm, rested and quiet. So far, so good.
She really needs to  hold out until Wednesday November 9th.

Wonder Bread

If you are around the same age as I am, you probably remember Wonder Bread. It came in a white package with bright red,yellow and blue balloons on it and claimed to "help you grow in 7 ways!"
Like that was a good thing?
Times.
They are a'changin'.

We would have cinnamon sugar toast for breakfast.
Peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches and Kool-Aid for lunch.
Then there was always a plate with soft white Wonder Bread on the table next to the pot roast and  overcooked  carrots and potatoes. We would butter it up with margarine and snarf it down.

 I still have fond memories of Wonder Bread. (But I also have fond memories of my Dad's cigarette smoke. Go figure)

Now-a-days (gosh, I sound like Grampa Smucker) we eat healthier, especially where bread is concerned. Besides the occasional loaf of homemade French bread with REAL butter, we mostly eat whole grain breads, and usually only once per day. Carbs'll kill ya, I tell ya. Too many of them, anyway.
Remembering the Wonder Bread last night made me think of how Jesus referred to himself as the bread of life. (Yep, I'm going there. I'm totally comparing Jesus to Wonder Bread.)

"Jesus replied, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again." John 6:35

It made me wonder why he would call himself that, and I'm sure there are any number of reasons.
 But it made me think of how we chowed down on that Wonder Bread three times each day.
Maybe that's one reason Jesus called himself the bread of life; he is calling us to feed on, or fill up on him everyday. Not just once a day, but maybe three or more times each day.

If I don't spend time actively pursuing him everyday,by reading, praying and listening to messages online, my spiritual perspective diminishes. My thoughts turn to other things. I need to keep him at the forefront everyday, all day, or I am astonished at how quickly my attitudes change. I become more impatient with people I love.I get more snappy and snarky. My attitude of gratitude erodes into an attitude of entitlement. And that attitude doesn't look good on me. Or you, either.

So, this Jesus equals Wonder Bread is a pretty darn simple thought. I know, I know. It's as fluffy as a loaf of Wonder Bread fresh from the bag.
But simple can be good.
After all, he DID call himself the bread of life, and we do need to fill up on him throughout the day. And I bet you my bag of cat eyes and puries (marbles, for you babies)that he helps me grow in more than seven ways.
BAM! Take that, Wonder Bread!

Friends with benefits

I guess I need to explain that title anybody thinks this blog is going in a different, and more liberal, direction than usual.
I'm just thinking of how blessed I have been with friends, even knowing, honestly, that I am not the best of friends.
I'm not bad, really. Just not great at it. I like to be alone. Alot. Some people can take this as being aloof or snobby. I don't think I'm either of those things. I just replenish myself by being alone. And quiet. And contemplative. My gosh, I sound like a monk. I hope I am one of those monks that make the terrific caramel. That would be cool and yummy.

Anyway, back to my friends. I have been blessed in my life to have some awesome people around me.  Take, for instance, a couple I spent a few days with last week.
I made a pot of Chicken Tortilla Soup.

In return, I got this. Delightful in every way. Like the friend herself. (Look Jen! You made the blog again! Hey there, girlfriend.,,,.)

And this.

Adorable, yes?Don't you want one of these cutie McCutersons for yourself? Be jealous, people. My friends are amazing as well as talented, crafty and over-the-top generous. (Both these items were "re- purposed." I love trendy words.)
Being friends is not all about giving each other gifts.
Although, I'm just gonna say, it sure doesn't hurt.
It's not all about laughs and giggles. Although I'm a big fan of the both the laugh and the giggle.

One of the things I treasure most highly in a friend is the ability to say the hard things. Like, "hey sister, your sweater is on inside out and the tag is all hanging out there for the world to see, and you are disrupting people's worship time because all they can think about is when are you going to figure out that your clothes are on inside out"
Oh, that's right. No one told me my sweater was inside out. I had to figure it out myself during church, after the stop at the store and after the stop at Starbuck's.
 But, yes, I would have appreciated a girlfriend stepping up.


"The best mirror is an old friend."
- George Herbert
I have no idea who George is, but he hit the nail on the head with this one. (and how did he know my friend's were old?)

"An honest answer is the sign of true friendship."
- Proverbs 24:26

That's what I want from my friends.

If I am being gossipy, they will stop me.

If I am being harsh, they will tell me.

If I am spending too much time alone, they will come get me.

If I am not taking care of myself and eating cake batter, they will take that cake batter right out of my hands and eat it themselves.

If I am not going to church for a couple weeks in a row, they will ask why.

If I try to crimp my hair with out and thermal protectant, they will unplug that crimper.

Oh nevermind. They will wait until my hair has burnt  off in patches clear up to my scalp on top of my head and feels like old carpeting.
It's a good look with my backwards sweater with the big tag waving in the breeze at everyone behind my back.
But they will tell me never to do that again.
And they will repeatedly assure me that I don't really look like the love child of Bozo the Clown and  Richard Simmons. More like his second cousin. Or like a caramel-making monk.

See? A trustworthy, honest friend is worth their weight in Chicken Tortilla Soup.

What traits do you most value in a friendship?
(Fyi: if you are looking for a friend with burnt hair patches, I may be able to hook you up.)

Lucy and Luca sittin' in a tree...

Okay, they're not really sittin' in a tree, but they are having puppies together. This makes me happy.

Lucy is really milking her pregnancy.
She is lazing on the couch for hours at a time. (That is Rod lazing with her.)

She doesn't run any more. She meanders.
There is no end to her hunger. (Mine either, but that's another story.)
She still wants me to lift her back end up on to our bed. Let me tell you, she is getting heavy.

And, rather than just using me as a leg up, she settles back into me as I heave. Which makes me grunt and groan as I heft her up. Which makes me make the sounds she makes when she gets off the chair, couch or bed.

But this post is to tell you about Luca, the bullmastiff male we bred her to for this litter of pups. Look at that head! Gorgeous!!

Luca, at 16 months old won 4 Majors, Multi Best of Breed titles, 8 Best of Winners titles, 9 Winners, 11 R. Winners and

29 First placements!

American Kennel Club Champion Aristocrat's Luca Brahma-

Bull, CGC, TDI, AKC, DNA, proven stud

DOB: Sept. 15, 2007

In talking to Suzan, Luca's owner, I found someone who is dedicated to making sure the bullmastiff breed is enhanced my any breeding she does. She is a canine behaviorist and her website is a wealth of information about this incredible breed.

Luca is an AKC champion as well as a certified therapy dog. This says so much about his demeanor. He has to be calm, intelligent, loving and gentle. Oh, and he is 175 lbs, which is super LARGE for a bullie. But his build is superb and we will be offering a 1 year health guarantee against genetic conditions. I saw that Suzan offers a 7 (SEVEN) year guarantee for temperament. This is fantastical and awesome, and I think that would be really hard to do, but speaks volumes as to how much confidence she has in Luca.
Here are the results of his temperment testing from Suzan's website:

"Results of temperament testing- Luca has tested with the highest score possible in overall temperament, handles new situations easily & loves any social setting including other dogs of any breed, kids and adult humans, he's even been tested with horses, cats, birds and a guinea pig! He's a very sweet & happy dog, his tail is always wagging, he does not guard food or toys and allows other dogs to eat out of the same bowl with him, he will allow even the highest value item such as a Bully stick to be taken out of his mouth without any issues whatsoever. A overall fantastic temperament, as does his sire and dam and being a canine behaviorist I find good (or bad) temperament is highly heritable.

Training levels achieved- Luca started training at 8 weeks old since I do my own training, he is extremely well socialized which is the most important training for a puppy. He has easily achieved levels of obedience up to Advanced Obedience & will be working towards his titles in AKC Rally Obedience this summer.

AKC Championship achieved 5/09 with 4 major wins

AKC S.T.A.R. Puppy achieved 4/08

AKC Canine Good Citizen certification achieved 7/08

Luca achieves TDI Therapy Dog certification 10/08 with 100% pass on testing!!!-He visits Sebasticook Valley Hospital, primarily children's wing, Sebasticook Nursing Home & District 53 Schools for TDI reading program and AKC Canine Ambassador program teaching AKC Safety Around Dogs, Care of Dogs."

Here is a link to her site so you can read more about Luca, bullmastiffs and all kinds of other stuff. Enjoy, but don't get lost; it is a massive site.

http://www.aristocratfrenchbulldogsandbullmastiffs.com/4studservavailable.htm

Please let me know if you have any questions or would just like to make a general observation as to how adorable you think this litter of puppies will be. :-)

In the meantime, Lucy will be eating, sleeping, hiking, playing,and basically just enjoying the life of a pregnant mama as she waits for her pups.

Secrets

It is O-dark-30, and I am writing this is my new flannel pajamas surrounded by tubby bullmastiffs. One is pregnant. The other is just tubby.

Secrets are on my mind. I used to have some. But, years ago they came bursting out and since then I am hard pressed to keep anything quiet inside. If it's on my mind, it's on my tongue and out in the open before I even know it. This is not right, but that is a whole other blog post. It's just that once the dam broke I can't seem to hold anything back.

For years now, I have worked side by side with girls and women who have secrets. Deep, dark secrets. Scary secrets. The kind that you box up and lock up  and throw away the key. The kind you can't bear to think about because if you did, your life as you knew it would be destroyed.
Ugly secrets. People would leave you secrets. God would hate you secrets. You think you might just howl your pain and then lay down and die secrets.

I know this because I used to keep some myself.

The thing is, you think letting the secret out will wreck you,
when the whole time, the secret you are keeping is killing you from the inside out. Rotting you, really.

• "If people really knew me, they wouldn't love me."
• " If I work harder it will prove that I am worthy and lovable and the secret won't matter anymore.
• "If I drink/take drugs/party (fill in the blank) more, then I won't think about the secret.
• "I must be ugly and wicked and evil and no one really knows me."
• "It doesn't matter what I do. I've already destroyed my life and there is no hope for me."

Do you know what these types of thinking lead to?

• Hardened hearts.
• Distrust.
• Broken relationships.
• Depression.
• Harmful behavior of all kinds.
• Turning away from loved ones.
• Turning away from God.

You see, it's not the actual secret that is killing you; it is keeping the secret that is twisting you in to someone that God never intended you to be.
One thing I've learned in years from working one-on-one with first class, blue ribbon-winning secret keepers, myself included, is that everyone thinks their shameful secret is the worse than every one elses.
It's not.
That is a lie from the king of liars, satan. This is how he keeps you for himself.

Because if it's too shameful, too horrible, to ugly, too scary to ever say out loud to God or anyone, it will stay locked up inside you,like a cancer, where you come to believe it is not just a part of you, but IS you. It becomes how you identify yourself. The filter through which you view yourself. It grows and grows until you come to believe that you are as ugly as the secret you keep.

And guess what?Your secret isn't really a secret at all. Not from God.

 

"God would surely have known it, for he knows the secrets of every heart."
Psalm 44:20-22

 

"You spread out our sins before you— our secret sins—and you see them all."
Psalm 90:7-9

 

 "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable." Hebrews 4 :13.

 

But before we get all freaked out, thinking about a God who knows everything and surely must despise us because we despise ourselves so much, hear this:

 

"Let all that I am praise the Lord;

may I never forget the good things he does for me.

³ He forgives all my sins

and heals all my diseases.

⁴ He redeems me from death

and crowns me with love and tender mercies.

⁵ He fills my life with good things.

My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

 

 

⁶ The Lord gives righteousness

and justice to all who are treated unfairly."

 

 

 

and...

 

"The Lord is compassionate and merciful,

slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

⁹ He will not constantly accuse us,

nor remain angry forever.

¹⁰ He does not punish us for all our sins;

he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.

¹¹ For his unfailing love toward those who fear him

is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.

¹² He has removed our sins as far from us

as the east is from the west.

¹³ The Lord is like a father to his children,

tender and compassionate to those who fear him."

 

 Psalm 103:2-6 and 8-13

We are trying to keep our secrets from the only one who can save us from them.

"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." 1st John 1:9

 

We don't need to be chained like slaves to  our secrets. We are children of God!

 

 ¹⁵ "So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.^[a] Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”^{[b] 16} For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children." Romans 8:15-16

 

  We are called to be free from our hidden secrets and let God himself carry that burden like a shepherd carrying his lambs:

"Praise the Lord; praise God our savior!
For each day he carries us in his arms." Psalm 68:19

 

 

So what secrets are you keeping?

What secrets are keeping you?

Isn't it time to just take a deep breath and put them down, once and for all?

Chattanooga

This video slays me. Honestly the first thing I thought was how often I respond to God just like this little girl when plans or circumstances don't go the way I think they should. I might be even more whiny. Just keepin' it real. He's trying to give me Disney World. All I think I want is Chattanooga. Priceless. How do you respond to God when he is trying to tell you He has big Disney World plans for you? Do you want to stay in Chattanooga?

Guess who is having Bullmastiff puppies?

Lucy the Lion! This is Lucy when we first brought her home from the airport. She has hardly stopped running.

Unless she is sleeping.

Or eating.

Here she is with Rod and Polly. (Rod's the one in the flannel shirt.)

Lucy, of Oregon has been bred to AKC Champion Aristocrat's Luca Brahma-
Bull, of Maine. I'll write more and show some pictures of him in a day or two.

In the meantime, I will take this opportunity to share lots of favorite Lucy pictures.

Because she is pregnant.

And because I can.

Here she is as a young dog looking as regal as a bullmastiff should.

Here is Lucy with Rod while we were horse camping in the Ochoco Mountains this year. Not the best shot of ol' Squint Eye, but hopefully Rod won't be looking at the blog anytime soon. This picture just shows Lucy's exuberance and love.

By the by, did anyone else notice that Rod is wearing the same shirt in both these pictures with Lucy, even though this is two years later? Maybe I should shop for him more often.

But I am too busy to shop for him because LUCY IS GOING TO HAVE PUPPIES!!

This last picture demonstrates how ferocious Lucy can be.She clearly wants her own space and doesn't take any guff from anyone, not even Auntie Jen, who just wanted a moment to read her Kindle while camping. We won't let Jen sit on Lucy again until after the puppies are here.

Joy hiding in gratitude

Today I'm being thankful for the everyday things.

A dog's happy silly laughing grin.

A grandson's chubby pointing finger and demanding grunts.

A tired husband's tight hug when he comes home from work.

Warm tomatoes and green beans from the farmer's market.

As Ann Voscamp says in her book "One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully" , counting these mundane blessings chronicles grace in our everyday life. (I am going through this book for the second time and cannot recommend it highly enough. Just quit reading this blog and go get it. Now. Go on. I'll wait.)

It brings joy.

As Ann looks back over her gratitude journal, where she writes down all the things she is thankful for, she says this, "And I can see it in the looking back, how this daily practice of the discipline of gratitude is the way to daily practice the delight of God.... and not only was the numbering leaving traces of our days; this counting the blessings was the unlocking the mystery of joy, joy, 'the gigantic secret of the Christian,' joy hiding in gratitude, and who but the Jesus people are the most thankful?

How about a crisp pear from the fridge on a hot day?

Cool "mountain mineral" water from our drippy kitchen faucet.

(How do I dare consider food and water mundane with what is happening in parts of Africa as I type this? Repenting.)

Thankful for the sound of my running shoes pounding on the dirt trail as I run on my loop. Grateful for no injuries and muscles working to be able to do this today.

Thankful for the berries I see along the trail, tiny membranes each filled with warm sweet juice waiting for a mouth to bite down. The things God made for us are without number and never cease to amaze me.

Why did he create that berry for me, his enemy?

When I think of what I deserve....and I think of what he gives me instead....?

I am astounded. I am blown away. I am humbled.

(Being thankful for the little things makes me think sometimes of the hallucinogenic drugs of the 60's, when they would study their hands from all angles and be fascinated.

Maybe they were on to something....? Not the drug part, but the fascinated part. :-)

I find that only being thankful for surface things,the general things, like the weather, our health, our safety and protection, thank you for today, etc etc etc, leaves me flat.

Shallow.

I hurry through those types of prayers because am I really meaning it? Is my heart focused? Or am I rushing to fulfill a duty?

When I really dive in ,when I dig deep, God is there. I fall in love with him. I delight in him. Isn't this what we are here for?

I can truly be thankful for each facet, each detail, each corner. It helps me know God better and love him more.

It can become easier to be thankful for all these moments in your life. But life is not just made up of PollyAnna days.

What about the really mundane things in my life like dishes in the sink from last night,enough dog fur on the floor to make a whole other dog, stalls that need to be mucked out by someone whose initials start with DIANE?

There are days of sickness and growing old, injury and death, family far away but me still needing a hug, bills not paid, appliances not working, anxiety, fear, people giving up on you and on and on.

I think that practicing the daily discipline of thankfulness helps me grow so that I can learn to trust and be thankful in the hard heavy times.

Because hard heavy times? They will come.

For today, I am going to be thankful for the little/big God things in my life, all the ways he shows himself in a million different details all around me.

What are you thankful for today?

Broken down horses

I'm kind of feeling like a broken down horse this morning. You'd think I'd be an old hat at this "my son is leaving to Afghanistan" thing, since this is the third time, and it's his choice to take this job.

But I'm just as sad, just as anxious, just as wore down with the leaving.

I find myself spending time with the horses. Just being quiet with them. Well, I'm trying to be quiet but Ruby the ear less goat always has to pipe up ask for more hay, more water, more scratches.

The horses aren't quite themselves, either. We have Drifter, the big sorrel gelding. He likes to remind everyone that he is in charge.

Of everything.

All the time.

But right now he is calmly munching his morning hay, being warmed in the sun and smelling like a horse, which is what I am assuming at least a corner of Heaven must smell like.

We also have Cabela, or Bela, who is a gorgeous dark dappled palomino filly with snow white mane and tail. At least, she was. When she came here in February. Did I ever tell you the story of how she came here? I'll have to do that if I haven't.

Cabela knew she was a stunner Barbie doll horse perfectly designed by a Master Creator.

She has DIVA stamped in her DNA. Don't hate her because she is beautiful. But she gets it, if you do. She'll just toss her flowy white mane, stamp her hooves, flick her tail and dismiss you.

But Drifter didn't seem to realize that Bela was to be adored and served and from the minute she showed up here, he has run her from one end of the property to the other. (Which isn't saying much. But still.) She has ended up with nicks, scabs, bites and kicks all over her sparkly golden body. So we are separating them as they acclimate.

But it's so funny, because when we take her away from Drifter, Bela whinnies and calls and generally throws a little filly fit. She wants us to let her go back to Drifter. Back to her abuser, so to speak. It happens every time.

A. Maz.Ing.

I don't get it. Rod and I laugh as we watch her try bust through her stall door to get back to him.

It makes no sense whatsoever why she would continue to go back over and over and over, to the horse that continues to hurt her so much. Why does she think maybe THIS time it will be different and maybe he won't hurt her?

So, of course, God has to remind me of the things that I go back to, over and over and over, that continue to hurt me so much.

I am such a horse-head.

It doesn't matter if it is unhealthy food choices, poor financial habits(hello Nordstrom's sale!), television that should not be watched anywhere, for any reason,avoiding church or spending time with Jesus in prayer and reading the bible, or anything else that draws me away from real JOY.

Are you a horse-head, too?