Make new friends...

but keep the old.
One is silver and the other gold.

I've know that little ditty since I was itty-bitty little.
I still don't like it, but I appreciate the sentiment, I suppose.

Friendships have been hard for me. There have been times in my life when people, both family members and/or friends drew away from me, not wanting to be friends anymore.(Ah, grade school and high school, you still have some power over me)
Just recently, this has happened again.
Not wanting to be seen as a pathetic, friendless victim, I have learned to act like I didn't care.
 To be carefree and funny.
I learned if I gave people things, they would be my friend. And I learned not to love too much. Because it hurts when people leave you.
So, I learned to leave them first.

This week, in the midst of my bible study, which I do with some friends on Skype, I open the book.
The book I might add, that none of us three  have been especially thrilled with, and discover we are studying friendships.

Not funny, God.
I felt like someone had dropped a bale of hay on me from the loft. (no it hasn't happened yet, but I am certain it will eventually.)

I felt flattened.

Really, God? Can't I just stuff this down and wrap it up tight and just not feel it?
 This scar doesn't even hurt anymore, honest. Please, can't we just look the other way? I will, if you will. :-)

Frankly, I'm not at a place where I can say, "...and then God and I wrestled through this issue and I'm so happy I went through this  and everything is fixed and now I have a grip on this whole friendship thing. Thank you Jesus."

Nope. I am still at the point where I don't even know the zip code, but I am crying angry tears and feeling my heart break, and wondering what I did wrong.
Can't I just buy someone something and tell a joke?
Because this just hurts too much. I want to avoid pain, not run towards it like a freak.

And I'm hurt because my best friend, Jesus, is telling me we need to work on this issue of friendship.
But I'm too scared to. It has been a long time since I've been actually afraid to open the bible and read what God has to say to me about anything. But I am afraid now.

 I'm afraid  I've been doing it wrong all along.
I'm ashamed that I haven't been a good friend.
I'm wondering if this is a waste of time, and that the truth is that every friend I love will desert me if I don't desert them first.
 I'm scared of being hurt more.
I'm terrified of being abandoned again.
I'm afraid that the voice in my ear telling me that I'm worthless and unlovable will be louder than God's quiet  voice reassuring me that He loves me, He will be with me and He is enough.

"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17 NLT

He is enough.
Pray for me.
I'm going in.

Shhh...the babies are sleeping.

For your viewing pleasure:

***Edited to add: After contacting all the potential puppy owners, two different people have decided against a puppy at this time. That means we still have 3 babies available. If you are one of the people that contacted me before and were told we were fresh out of puppies, please give me a call or shoot me an email....Puppies are available!! :-)

Sleepy pups

Lucy's puppies are doing so great, and Lucy is an attentive, sweet Mama. My bedroom, where Lucy and the babies are lodged for the time being, feels like an incubator. A stinky incubator.
I have slept in there with them a few nights, simply because bullmastiffs have been known to lay down on their pups and hurt them. I have pulled a puppy out from underneath her 3 times so far. I think she just wants to be really, super close to them, and as we all know from the song, Love Hurts.
Here are a couple pictures from this morning.

(Puppy owners: feel free to call me whenever, I am available to talk about your pups now. If you have said you wanted a puppy, but have not sent in a deposit, you can do that now. I believe there is a male pup still unspoken for, so let me know aso soon as you can if you are interested. )

And Baby makes....6

I am too tired to write much, so I'll post pictures instead.
You're welcome.
Lucy had six pups delivered via c-section yesterday and returned home with six amazingly gorgeous puppies. 5 boys and 1 lone girl.
They are huge and freakishly strong. I saw a large male walking around the edge of the wading pool that is their bed last night.
Yes, I said walking. He may have been 5 or 6  hours old.
Another one was standing up with his back legs as he was nursing.
I'm not gonna lie...I'm a little scared.
Here are pictures.

Puppy Daddy time

I post so much about Lucy and the puppies (no they have not arrived yet) but have neglected giving Luca as much publicity. Maybe it is because he lives on the East coast and is not laying on the floor beside my bed every morning.(who am I kidding? He would be in the bed with the rest of us.)  But here is a video that shows his sweet personality and his SIZE.
Okay, and one more because it is so much fun!
Enjoy!

Max and Lucy...photo op.

This should be a short post. Max spilled his hot chocolate on my keyboard yesterday and even after a frenzied cleaning, a few of the letters are sticking quite a bit.
Like the nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
So, here is a photo album of Max and pregnant Lucy which I took before I strung Max up by his toes by spilling his Starbucks hot chocolate on the keyboard. What a total waste of chocolate-y goodness!

Leave us alone.

Fine. You can take some pictures.

What are you thinking about. Nuthin'. What are YOU thinking about?

I'm thinking I'm gonna give you a big kiss! Hold still now.

Or, I'm thinking I'm gonna shoot you with my gun.... (The looks on each of them here is priceless. Too funny!)

Never mind.

Nap-thirty.

Nothing says Love more than a cuddle with a dog as big as you are. Or quite a bit bigger. Who are we kidding?

Okay, I'm starting to get bored with this...(Gosh, those wires in the background are so annnnnnnnoying)

And....I'm done.

Yay! She is pregnant!

Lucy is pregnant.
Or super chunky.

She is happier than she looks here.

Her hormones are making her act incredibly sweet and affectionate. Not that she isn't always, but now she is constantly kissing and snuggling and rather needy.






Puppies should arrive the first week of May, so we have lots to get ready before they arrive.

Add caption

We are all excited, nervous and a little anxious.
Except for Cooper.

He is the same as always. (And NO. He is NOT the puppy-daddy. Can you even imagine?)
This is Luca. He is the father.

Anyway, can't wait for the blessed event, and looking forward to meeting a new group of potential puppy-parents!
Have a great day!

Tears for my friend

It's hard to concentrate too much this week. I'm writing with tears on my face.
 I keep thinking about Jesus dying.

 And how his friends, who said they loved him, fell asleep when he asked them to pray with him.

I get sleepy praying, too.

I keep picturing Jesus, when they came to arrest him. Honestly, I think I want him to run away. Or destroy all the soldiers with fire from Heaven.

I imagine Jesus accepting a kiss from his friend who betrayed him. A friend who said he loved him, and betrayed him with a kiss.

I think I might be that friend.
And now I'm crying harder.

Tomorrow is Good Friday. I grew up in the Catholic Church (yay, Pope Francis!) and I vividly remember Good Fridays when my sisters and I were little and we were taught to be silent from 12-3 PM. This is the time frame when Jesus was dying on the cross, and we were taught that it was a not a time  to be light-hear
ted and playful, but to be somber and and to mourn.

You'd think this would be a difficult task for a group of five giggly sisters, but I remember taking it seriously. I'm sure I never broke the silence when any certain sister tried to make me laugh. (cough..Stacie....cough.)

This year, I am especially feeling the import of Holy Week. The heaviness of it.
 I'm not sure why, but I'm not taking it in stride as just another week and tomorrow just another Friday.
Are you mourning, too?
 I am feeling the emotional upheaval of Jesus suffering and Jesus dying. For my sake and for your sake.
He did not deserve that.
I do deserve it, but he took it instead of me or you. And my heart is so troubled in me that I keep breaking down in tears.
Jesus,who I talk to everyday and who is my friend.
Jesus, who I love.
Being betrayed.
Being beaten, being whipped.
Being mocked.
Being tortuously killed.
Being forsaken by his Abba. 
Being buried in the ground.
Right now, I don't want to get up off the ground.
I can't wait for Sunday.

Earth-shattering

Nope.
Not here. I'm sure something Earth-shattering is happening somewhere., but here it is just Monday again.
 I do like starting things fresh on Monday's (YES! Clean sheet day!) and I also like my routine.

This morning started out at oh-dark-thirty (daylight savings? what is that?) when I let Lucy and Cooper out to go to the bathroom, turned on the heater and made my wonderful cappuccino, which I brought back in my room for "Second Bed." (Are you absolutely riveted? Are you on the edge of your seat? Are you still alive or have I bored you to death?)

Second Bed is a sacred period of time which occurs after you get up early to deal with all the necessities of life, and then return to the bed,(oh, joy!) with your coffee and climb back in it.
It is too early and too dark to actually stay up, your spouse is typically still asleep, so I use this special time to read. I read my Kindle with it's little light, and I posistion a big pillow carefully so I will not have to breathe in Rod's morning breath Rod will not be disturbed by the light. Then I can enjoy this time, commonly called Second Bed.

This morning, as most mornings, I began by reading the bible. Rod and I are reading through the bible, as we do most years. (I know! Doesn't it seem like we would be super-spirit-filled and loving and kind of GLOW from the inside out, like those vampires on the Twilight series that sparkle? You'd think, but,apparently you have to LIVE what you read, not just read it. Duh!)

This morning my Old Testament reading was in Numbers and the New Testament is in the book of Mark. Rod and I have been discussing back and forth about all the rules and regulations in the Old Testament and how the Israelites were punished if they didn't toe the line.
For instance, a man was stoned to death for gathering wood on the Sabbath.How does that fit in with my view of who God is?
 Rules were given by God to the Israelites about everything, and how they needed to offer specific sacrifices if they sinned, even unintentionally.  It had to have been a heavy burden to bear. It is mind-numbing....and we are only READING it.

This morning, after Second Bed, I brought up to Rod how I was feeling weighted down with the Old Testament reading because this morning in Numbers a couple families were swallowed by the earth because of their disobedience.(Numbers 16) I don't even know what to think about that,  and we talked a little bit about the structure and burden that the Israelites had to live under. I told him that I was tempted to just not read any more Old Testament and skip over to the New Testament. That's it. I'd just pretend it didn't exist. Then it wouldn't trouble me.

But as we were talking about all the laws and how difficult they would have been to follow, I was struck hard in my heart with the unapproachable holiness of God. Sometimes, living in this New Testament world, I diminish the awesomeness and holiness of God. I begin to think He is like me; if I think something is good, then He does, too. If I believe something is bad, then certainly, God does,too. Right? ("My thoughts are not your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8)

Reading the Old Testament overwhelms me with  His holiness, and I am thankful for my Catholic upbringing which gave me a sense of it while I was growing up.
Now I am completely overcome with with joy and great relief that Jesus has come.
What GOOD NEWS!

 Reading the Old Testament has reminded me anew of the  absolutely fantastic good news of Jesus, coming to Earth to pay our debts so we don't have to live separated from God by sin and try in vain to live under the heavy burden of the Old Testament law any more.
I can't do it.
You can't do it.
Jesus did it for us.

The reading in Mark today spoke of the crucifixion of Jesus.
"Then Jesus uttered another loud cry and breathed his last. And the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom." Mark 15:37-38

How appropriate. What a gift! I am thankful to be reminded of how Jesus' death on the cross changed everything, once and for all.
This song that we sing in church is so beautiful and perfect for this morning.

 

Lyrics | Hillsong lyrics - At The Cross lyrics

At the Cross lyrics:

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/hillsong-at-the-cross-lyrics.html ]
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was she'd for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now
You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done
And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me 

Below are notes on the Jewish Temple, for those interested.

May your Monday be as "earth-shattering" as mine turned out to be.


[Source: http://www.gotquestions.org/temple-veil-torn.html] During the lifetime of Jesus, the holy temple in Jerusalem was the center of Jewish religious life. The temple was the place where animal sacrifices were carried out and worship according to the Law of Moses was followed faithfully. Hebrews 9:1-9 tells us that in the temple a veil separated the Holy of Holies—the earthly dwelling place of God’s presence—from the rest of the temple where men dwelt. This signified that man was separated from God by sin (Isaiah 59:1-2). Only the high priest was permitted to pass beyond this veil once each year (Exodus 30:10; Hebrews 9:7) to enter into God’s presence for all of Israel and make atonement for their sins (Leviticus 16).