This day comes around once a year.(Like most days, I guess) Usually I remember what the day signifies, say a prayer, and slowly return to my daily routine. This time, though, I went to the files and got out the medical records.
Well, one really grainy copy of my stay at the hospital. It records the time I arrived (5:45 AM), some notes I can't read, the date (3/18/81) and the time of my baby's birth. (6:55 PM)
It doesn't record that I gave him up for adoption that day.
It doesn't tell me what his parent's named him, or where they live.
It doesn't mention if he has any other siblings, or how he is doing now.
It doesn't tell me if he is following Christ .
I can't help but wonder about him today as I look at this paper. At the time, all I wanted to do was get out of that hospital and get on with my own life.What a mistake. I didn't get that that WAS a part of my own life and that someday I would be crying over this single sheet of paper,the only thing I have from that day,and praying for him.
I am so grateful for the life that God has blessed me with, for my family, friends and church. (Josiah just called AGAIN to check in; no son calls their parents that much! It reminded me how really blessed I am)
So, on your birthday, son that I never knew, I pray for your life. I pray that you are healthy and safe, that your family is good to you and that you know our Lord.I pray that the Lord will someday allow you and your brother and sister(Josiah and Amy) to meet. They would like that so much. I almost feel as if I can't ask that for myself, although I dream of it. I ask the Lord to bless you and to help you grow towards Him daily. I'm more sorry than I can say that I didn't appreciate how precious you were , and a gift from God, until years later. I do love you.
9 comments:
Bless you for being a loving mom to your son! I'll be praying for you and for him.
That is a lovely. And so honest. Thank you.
Remember that God works all things together for good.
Blessings to you on this difficult day.
Wow. Just wow.
I will say a prayer for you and your son.
I pray for the day you finally meet him.
Oh Didi,
We are faced with so many decisions in life, some simple, some difficult. Never regret, the only sorrow it brings is yours. We do the best, with what we are given.
It is the circle of life in which we live. As women, we give life, while we live it. God gave us the ability to make our own choices, suffer our own consequences and reap our own rewards. But...he doesn't punish us for that, he celebrates it. He did create us in his image after all. You have to remember that.
As much as it hurts, as a parent, to know your child is out there somewhere, God had a plan for your son. It was greater than your vision, or your ability at that time.
I pray for your peace of mind, and his.
If it is meant to be, he will find you. But know that you did nothing wrong. You gave your child a life, that at the time you could not provide. You put your son's needs ahead of your own and that is what needed to be done. You were being a good mom.
It is a charmed life you lead now, even with it's day to day hardships. I am sure it would pain your son if he knew you suffered because you worry your decision (notice I didn't say WORRY OVER your decision).
You are truly a wonderful person, and, wherever he may be, your son carries that trait into the world.
Your friend,
Michelle
I needed that cry. :*)
I am praying for you, and your son.
Thanks for visiting my blog. I am blown away by the two posts I have just read, this one especially. How honest and transparent you are here. Thank you for sharing.
Your post about The Passion viewing was powerful!
Beautiful. I've sat here a minute or so trying to come up with something else. But I'm at a loss.
Hi, Diane- Wendy send me by. So glad she did, I have just read the post of a beautiful soul and an unselfish giving heart. I have said a prayer for you, for peace, and for more of the blessings God has sent your way.
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