Thursday, September 30, 2010

Vitamin D and other things that get stuck in my throat

Why do the tiny vitamin D tablets always get stuck in my throat? It makes no sense. Advil slides on down. 5-htp rolls down, no problem. VicodinTylenol PM just about jumps down my gullet.

But the vitamin D lodges itself halfway down every time.

If I suddenly stop this writing post, please call 9-1-1.

Thank you very much.

So I am taking these vitamins because I have heard that we don't get enough from other sources and if we don't get enough we can become depressed. Do you think the "D"in vitamin D stands for Depressed? Or Diane?(Yup, I am the center of my own universe.)

I have been depressed.

So I am trying THE NEXT BIG THING: vitamin D.

Hoping it works.

It's weird, isn't it (just agree with me here) how if you get to feeling down, different areas of you life begin deteriorating?

(By "you" I mean "me.")

Because I'm going to take a wild leap here and guess that you didn't eat a Snickers ice cream bar for breakfast the other morning. But I did. Okay?

Okay, fine....TWO Snickers ice cream bars.

I saw them when I opened the freezer to get some non-caloric ice.

The moment I saw them I knew I would eat them. Well, I thought I would eat ONE, and had high hopes of saving the other for an afternoon snack.

Hope was smacked down.

See, when I'm depressed, even my normally bad eating habits can deteriorate just a smidge further.
Unbelievable, I know.

Ive been eating unhealthily (pretend that is written in a large,flaming font for dramatic purposes.Not that I am ever dramatic) not exercising, lazing around (Hello, Facebook), doing the bare minimum of housework to just squeak by so the camera crew from "The Hoarders" doesn't show up on my front porch ready to film the next episode.

Also I've become increasingly impatient and snappy with those people God has placed in my life as a blessing.(I know he pruned all the roses and hydrangeas even though they were blooming, but he was just getting ahead of the yardwork game. I had WORDS to say.)
I've found myself reading this book and not The Book. Spending time with Dr. House and the talented kids on "Glee" rather than with God.

When I put myself first, it is awful. My food choices, how I spend my time and energy, my entertainment choices are all about how to please ME. Putting myself first makes me happy for a moment but ends up making me absolutely wretched. My selfishness gets stuck in my throat just like my vitamin D.

I must be a joy to live with. Just ask Rod. Or maybe don't.One of us may not like his answer.

When I put God first,...well, I don't really know because I've never done it long enough to tell you anything I've learned.

Although I am in His grip, I don't live like I am. In fact, I do everything I can to live like I'm not his child.
When a whisper in my ear says, "There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. This is all harmless stuff, " I will remember some verses like this one in Galation 6:
"Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.
Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature.
But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good.
At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."

Why, oh why, do I turn away from him when I need him the most?

I take a thousand steps, one by one, in the wrong direction. When I finally stop to get my bearings, I feel I am too far away to come back easily. So I take more steps, even faster, as though I'm trying to escape.

Do ya feel me here?

Or maybe it's just me.

Is it just me that tries so hard to be fulfilled by things, rather than a person; The Person I was made for?

Today, I've had enough.

Today I stopped taking a million steps in the wrong direction.

Today I turned back to Him.

I could really beat myself up for my lack of commitment and devotion, my laziness, my horrible eating and physical habits which harm me from the inside out .

But then, once again, I'm focusing on me, not on Him.

Thinking about what I can do,or not do, instead of what He does.

I would fail before I started.

But I remember that His mercies are new every morning. So I'm gonna keep it simple by doing these three things:

1. Spend time with Jesus.

2. Spend time with Jesus.

3. Spend some more time Jesus .

I'm a moron. Really.

But He loves me anyway.

(I'm going to keep on the vitamin D for now. Anyone else take it? Notice any differences?)
**Edited to add: I am not saying anything is wrong with Snickers ice cream bars, "Glee", "House" or books other than the Bible. I AM saying that persuing those things in place of a relationship with God is not only harmful, but wrong.But I still find myself doing that at times.
There. The entire blog in one sentence.

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