Thursday, August 14, 2008

"If you're really God, why aren't you acting like it?"

Have you ever wanted to question God like that, especially when you are in the middle of a painful circumstance and it seems like He just isn't hearing your cries for relief? I know I have.
Welcome back to week three of Linda's and my online bible study, "Believing God."

Actually, it is Beth Moore's bible study and we are just wogging/slogging/crogging through it together with you.

A week studying healing, miracles and wonders, huh?

This is certainly something that my Midwestern Catholic school upbringing or traditional nondenominational beliefs have not in any way prepared me for.

What did you think of this week's lessons on healing, miracles and God answering prayers? What about Beth's stories? I can't wait to hear what you all thought about and learned from this week's study.

I loved reading the stories and being amazed and flabbergasted by how God will move. I read a couple out loud to Rod.

I know I was especially moved by the scriptures where it spoke about people asking for their loved ones to be healed. He raised the widow's son from the D.E.A.D. Can you possibly even imagine that?

I have prayed for healing for people many different times. But I without doubt my most heart felt, sobbing on the carpet, desperate prayers have been for my children.

I still don't know how to measure the pain a parent feels when their child walks willingly away from Christ and out into the world. They are walking toward a rushing river of danger and you know it. They are thinking they will be fine, everything will be fine, and you know it won't. They will be hurt and they will be scarred. They may drown.

I know this feeling well. Intimately. It tears your heart into shreds and your words fall on deaf ears.

But my prayers never did.

During some very dark days, when I didn't move from a fetal position on the floor I just begged God to bring my daughter back. I remember asking for forgiveness from Him before I began praying and asking Him why,oh why, did He let her leave? Blaming Him. Knowing He could have stopped her.
Every molecule in my being wept. Pleaded. Cried out to Heaven. Save her. Don't let her get hurt. Be with her tonight when she should be here, but isn't.

Then, months later, when her body was here, but her spirit wasn't.

Oh Lord, this path is too hard for me to walk. Don't make us walk this way. Remember how we adore her, Lord?You know she is our very heart.
Bring her home, bring her home, bring her home.

A few years have passed. Any anger or disappointment is long gone. Good riddance. I can't afford those luxuries. I don't want them anyway. The Lord has completely replaced them with Love and Hope. Good deal, huh?

But our prayers have remained the same.
Protect.
Heal.
Restore.
Renew.
Remove scales from her precious eyes so she can see.
Let her hear the truth and understand.
Rescue her like you rescued me.
Save her. Save her.

In the last few months God has given me a supernatural peace concerning my kids. It is as though He has allowed me to glimpse them today as He sees them for eternity. What a gift! It is as though he has let me know he has heard my cries and desperation and let me know that he has already answered. It is done.

So I have relaxed. I have faith, a confident belief, that He heard me and is answering. Healing and restoring.

Two days ago I got a phone call from my daughter. We chatted and then she said, "Mom, I wanted to tell you that me and some friends have started a bible study the other night and we're starting to go to a good church on Sundays. It's cool and I'm really excited."
She paused then said, "You know, I just keep feeling the Lord calling to me, over and over. I don't want to keep ignoring Him."


I have no words here. Just know that I am doing the ugly cry as I praise God and give all thanks to my Redeemer.


Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s! psalm 103:1-5
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