Monday, May 5, 2008

Ba-ba-Bad to the Bone

No, it's not another post about the dogs.

You probably wish it was.

Last week, God began working on my heart. My coal dark, small as a black button, hard as obsidian heart.

He started out showing me where I had some, shall we say, "issues."

I looked, then turned away, shrugging dismissively.

"No, that's not really me. In fact, that's what I despise in other people the most."

Going on with my day, God gently but firmly turned me back to my issue again, using another situation to open my eyes.

I was a little uncomfortable this time. But still unwilling to really stop and look.

"No, really. I promise that is not how I am most of the time. This is just a circumstance that is out of the ordinary.
Anybody would respond like that. Don't look at that. Look at me! I'm good. I do good stuff."

And I walked quickly away.

The third time that day, God, being as faithful and loving as He is, steered me back to my issue.
I looked this time, but I didn't want to see. I wanted to run away. I was heart broken.

It hurts to look at how I have failed. All my good works are as filthy rags.

I still have a sinful heart. I still fail. I am bad to the bone, as my pastor Stu Weber told us this weekend at church.

It's like I dress up and try to believe I'm looking as good on the outside as I am on the inside. I want to fit in with everyone else I see at church.

Hair, (just trimmed and a nice weave) lip gloss, new clothes, the all-important strappy shoes. Ready to go worship the Lord and looking fine.

I'm not that bad, I try to tell myself.

On the outside.

But the Lord sees me where I live. My tiny black heart with all my issues that I try pretend I don't have. I'm just a few decisions away from spending time in prison. And I don't mean as a volunteer.

Jesus only lets me pretend for so long before He teaches me. I'm not all that and a bag of chips. (I know, very 2007)

I'm a broken, bad to the bone sinner deserving of hell but heading to heaven, daughter of the King and sister to her Savior.

I'm no good.

But He is.

Take the focus off me.
As Stu put it this weekend, there are only two grades availableon this grading curve of life : A+ and F-. There was only one A+ in history and that was Jesus.
I (and you) get the F. We can never live up.
The good news is we don't have to.
"What a wretched man I am! But who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:24-25
"Tell me Your Story" testimony carnival is next Tuesday, so I hope that a few of you are preparing your posts and linking up! Click on the link for more info!
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