What I am seeing and feeling this morning is failure.
Last night, I was able to start going back into jail.
My partner can't come on Sundays so I went in alone. The other Prison Fellowship guys go in on Wednesdays, so I couldn't pray with them beforehand, or even be encouraged by seeing their smiling faces.
I prayed for a strong sense of the Lord's presence and for me to be able to extend His love to them in a real way. I prayed for the Lord to be working in their hearts before I arrived.
But I didn't feel renewed or refreshed or filled or empowered with His Holy Spirit. I felt alone and scared and very frail and human.
I let the conversation veer away from the Lord and back to legal issues and complaints over and over again. I felt no strong sense of purpose and I wonder why I was there last night. I felt too much concern with how the women liked me. I felt I let God down.
I prayed with one lady for court to go in her favor today and for her to be released and go back home to her young son. (She is a believer, but wandering away, and hadn't paid a fine that she owed so she was arrested.)
After I prayed, she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I truly believed that God would answer my prayer for her.
I said,"God loves you. He will do what is the best for you, regardless of what is looks like to us. I hope and pray that it is releasing you."
I don't know if she understood me or not. Her court is this afternoon at 3:00. I pray not only for this, but for her to remember the God she loved as a little child in Sunday School and return to Him.
Why did God let me go into jail alone? He never has before. I need Him there. Did I do something wrong?
But I, O LORD, cry to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you.O LORD, why do you cast my soul away? Why do you hide your face from me? psalm 88:13-14