Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Just smile and nod

I can't seem to wake up this morning and I ncioheniugu....

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Can we please start over?


That was my tribute to Brooke for last night's AI first: a start-over. Or it was evidence that reality television is eating away at my brain cells. Whatever.




Actually, I am really tired this morning and can't seem to wake up. I showered and blew-dry my winter-crackly hair. Then I put my pajamas back on. Me and God had our time together, but I was wearing jammies. I don't think He cares too much. Maybe I should wear these to church sometime...? Really, they shouldn't call pajamas "lounge wear." It just encourages tired people to lounge around and be lazy. Like me.


There is just no reason to get up and get moving today.(Well, there is. But I'm ignoring that as best as I can.Which is easier to do while wearing lounge wear) I am just so very sore. I began my walking routine again and yesterday I upped the ante to 3.5 miles, which used to be my short walk. (yeah, I KNOW!) But I haven't walked that distance for 7 months or so and I FEEL it. My back hurts from swinging my arms too energetically. How sad and pathetic is that? I am like a stiff, little 95 year old arthritic Grandma smelling of Ben Gay.



As I was walking, I was pondering what bad parents Rod and I am.



I'll clarify. We're bad parents of adult children.



Case in point: Our son, Josiah is buying a house with a partner as an investment. This is the same son that served as a firefighter in Afghanistan with the Air Force.



So, you'd think as his parents, we'd be proud and pleased, or at least seemingly nonchalant.



But you'd be wrong. We eat a meal together discussing the interest rate. We lie in bed at night worried about the soundness of buying a house which is in foreclosure.



The other day, we knew Josiah was having an appraisal and an inspection done and we happened to be in town. We called and said we'd like to drive by and see the potential new house. Josiah gave us directions and wow, we were like right around the corner. It's not like we're stalking him or anything.



He met us in front of the house. As the car window slid down, I could feel our words bubbling up. We couldn't stop them, even if we'd wanted to. And then they exploded.



"Are you paying for this inspection? Who is doing the appraisal? Make sure they check in the crawl space. Have they negotiated who is paying closing costs? Are they leaving the appliances?" (that last one was me. Rod doesn't care.)



We sounded like little barky terrier dogs, yapping out the window at him. He responded to as many of our questions/comments as was humanly possible, then politely asked us to leave, as he had quite a few people in the house and needed to get back inside.



We were startled into silence. The window rolled back up and we slunk away with our eyes averted.



How humiliating was that?



Josiah was bound to think that we didn't think he was capable of making these kinds of decisions without his parents screeching at him like howler monkeys.



So I called him later to apologize (that is two times in three weeks for those of you keeping score) for nagging and nit-picking at him. I told him again that we are trying to learn how to be parents of adult children, but it has been tough going. He answered, "No problem. I always call and ask for your opinions."
For so many years we told the kids what time to go to bed, not to go past the stop sign, and how many Pop-Tarts he could have. (None. Those are mine. Now go to bed.)



Ahhh, those were the good old days.



Now they decide things ON THEIR OWN. Scary stuff, believe me. (What?! You're eating THAT for dinner?!)



It is hard to let go, people. I'm telling you. Hard. To. Let. Go.



But we have raised Josiah and Amy up in the way they should go and pray for them both daily. We need to let go of all these little things and trust that God, who loves them more than we do, is directing their paths.
Also, we need to embrace the wisdom of "The Smile and Nod" technique. Neither one of us is good at this yet,but we are practicing.
Smile and nod. Smile and nod. Keeping our mouths shut.



Oh, FYI, Josiah is traveling out of state today to meet his girlfriend's parents.I know, that sentence should be in bold, or italicized or something. But this is my new strategy of letting things go that are not in my control .



I'd better go. Rod just asked me what I was blogging about. I told him.
He listened carefully and without missing a beat, he said,
"Did you see Josiah last night? I hope he shaves before he meets Ashley's parents."
This is a quote, from the Dad that is learning to let go. Hmmmm.
Parenting. It doesn't get any easier.
Just smile and nod.

15 comments:

grownchildren.net said...

The Letting Go Thing. It's such an evolution. It's one mouth clench after another. It gets easier in general but for every specific instance--buying a house, meeting the new Significant Other--it starts all over again. Just wait till the grandkiddies come along. All this and more about parenting adult children is on my blog at grownchildren.typepad.com. Come on by.

Jennifer said...

Hello
Great job on your walking!! 3.5 miles is awesome! You should be very proud of yourself!!!

Smile and nod. I know that is hard. I already dread the "letting go" times with my boys and they're still little.

Wendy said...

I'm laughing and sympathizing at the same time. It took me months to stop barking/yapping questions to my daughter in college every time she called. It's not been easy, but I think I'm getting the hang of just letting it go. :)

Michelle said...

Poor Didi.

Dealing with a teenager, I long for the day she makes her own (responsible) decisions! I'll tell ya, if I make it through their teenage years I will never complain again, EVER!

Thanks for your prayers for Taylor, she really is much much better.

Queen B said...

Ugh. That's all I've got.

Laura Paxton said...

I just realized that the thing that makes you good parents of little ones makes you a bad parent of adult children....oh dear...that one's gonna be HARD for me... oh, dear.

Fortunately, I have a couple more years...the oldest is "only (?!?)" 14....and the baby is 4....

javamamma said...

Thanks for stopping over! In response to your question - we actually had fried chicken (no, not THAT chicken) at a church dinner that Sunday. Was THAT inappropriate? :)

I love this post! My kids are still 9 and under but I think about the future and I'm realizing things don't get easier after the diapers, they actually get much harder. I so appreciated your honesty here. Thanks!

Keri said...

Oh goodness. My husband and I are still on the other side of this equation. My father-in-law especially is still unable to "let go" and it drives us batty sometimes. After reading your post I've tried to put myself in his place, and I cant imagine how difficult it will be for me to let my boys grow up and on into their adulthood. Thanks goodness I have a couple decades to prepare for that still!

Sounds to me like you're doing a pretty great job :) After all, you called and apologized when you suspected you might have overstepped. I think that's pretty wonderful. Hope I'm as good a parents as you when I find myself in the same situation!

Tammy said...

Just stopped by to thank you for entering my bloggy giveaway only to get caught up reading your blog while here :-)

It is a season of learning new things, isn't it? And just as my children are each unique as they are growing up, I find that their uniqueness as adults also comes with challenges. Just when I think God is growing them, I find that He is growing me more!

Have a great day!

Blessings,
Tammy ~@~

Jenn @ Casa de Castro said...

So THAT'S what has been going on... NOW I know what's REALLY happening when I visit my parents. They're letting go... Awww.....

;)

Great post. I did sent it on to my mom. She'll get a kick out of it.

Maude Lynn said...

Smile and nod and throw on your "lounge wear!"

E said...

I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!

Anonymous said...

Great post! You are so funny and real at the same time. I think I'll dread the day my boys move out. That will be quite a transition (for me!).

Jess said...

diane,
i thought it was going to get easier! that somehow i would just "get it" once my kids were grown - but i will, i guess not surprisingly, need God to show me how to be a parent then, too.

thank you for the wisdom and transparency!

love
jess

Mimi's Toes said...

I can so relate to this post. I love your Blog so much. It ministers to me right when I need it. I thank God all the time for sending my daughter and son Christian mates. Love the barking dog picture...